The Light Behind Your Eyes
by TheCollisionOfYourKissInDragt6
Summary: Sirius Black and Remus Lupin loved the tree by the lake. They constantly went there, to study, to read, to devise pranks, or to just hang out. Sirius had been slowly falling for Remus, and Remus was extremely oblivious, in many ways. One-Shot. Basically Fluff and Pining. And also some trigger stuff. Title is a song by My Chemical Romance.
1. If I Could Be With You Tonight,

**Sirius Black and Remus Lupin loved the tree by the lake. They constantly went there, to study, to read, to devise pranks, or to just hang out. Sirius had been slowly falling for Remus, and Remus was extremely oblivious, in many ways. One-Shot. Basically Fluff and Pining**

* * *

It was a warm day, down by the lake. Remus was sat on the ground, staring up into the tree. Sirius was in the tree, trying to climb higher. Remus was chewing on his lip, transfiguration book neglected as he watched Sirius reach the more spindly, thinner branches.

It was year six at Hogwarts, in the spring, where they didn't have to do too much, because they were having a break from school, from all their tests and exams.

"Sirius,"

He warned. Sirius looked down, hair falling into his eyes and grinned at his worried friend. He leaned back off the branch he was on, just the tiniest bit, getting satisfaction out of the cracking noise it made.

Remus gasped quietly beneath him.

"Yes, Messr. Moonbeam?"

He asked charmingly. Remus called back and Sirius tried not to laugh at his worry,

"I-I believe you've gone far enough, Sirius,"

"Not quite yet, Moonbeam,"

He grinned at the huff and continued climbing, acutely aware that one small miss-placed foot, could send him very well to his death.

The height wasn't at all that frightening. In fact it was probably more dangerous, playing Quidditch then climbing this tree.

He looked back down, checking on his progress. After that, he continued his way, smiling as his friend tried again.

"Not yet, dearest Moony,"

As he stepped on one certain branch, that very instant, he heard a cracking noise, quickly placing his foot back down, just as it fell down the very tallness of the tree, nearly missing Remus' childlike form below.

"Sirius, please,"

He whined, not even bothering to hide his concern for his friends safety. Sirius grinned and said,

"Fine Moonbeam, you've shaken me, I will come down, to calm your nerves,"

He made his way down, fast and carelessly, losing his grip a few times and gathering cuts and bruises.

When he finally hit the ground, he was met with relieved but angry Amber eyes.

Beautiful Amber eyes. Eyes that were so beautiful, they were like a pool of gold, reflecting everything. I could look into his eyes all day if he let me. It isn't fair. Why does he get to be so beautiful. He shouldn't be legal. I-

"Well?"

"Well what, Moonbeam?"

"Arm,"

He held out his arm, Remus grabbing his wrist, pulling out his wand. He tried to ignore the electricity shooting up his arm in waves, shooting butterflies into his stomach. Tried to resist pulling out of the smaller boys grip, the tender, careful touch that he seemed to use, whenever he was being cautious.

The way he touches his precious books, or the way he held his wand the first month of being at Hogwarts.

The way he was touching him now, barely ghosting across his wrist.

After saying the magic words, Tergeo, to clear the blood, and Episkey, to bind the skin back together, he reached for the other arm.

While he was working so carefully, it gave Sirius a chance to look at the other boys face.

The straightness of his jawline, and oh god, the way it curved up when it headed toward his hair line. His middle sized ears, that didn't stick against his head, but just poked out a little bit and oh how I want to bite the lobes. His high cheekbones, only there when you look at him at certain angles, that appeared at random times, like when I'm trying to work but they get so distracting. His small nose and plump pink lips, that were always chapped from being bitten, if only he'd let me bite them instead. His sandy blond hair, that was at times a little wild, if only he'd let me run my hands through it, especially in the morning.

And the scars that went up his neck and littered his skin, tiny pink scars to remind all of them of his furry little problem, if only he'd let me kiss them.

"Sirius, uh, hello in there?"

Blinking and fighting a blush he grinned charmingly and answered,

"Yes, Moonbeam?"

Remus glared, hating the nickname, but giving him more reason to use it. Remus slapped him and started packing up his things, mumbling something about Sirius being a 'down right git'.

He finished packing up his stuff and started walking away from the lake bank. Frowning Sirius rushed forward, stopping in front of Remus' retreating form.

"What, what's wrong?"

"Nothing,"

And then he tried to dodge him, but not before he'd gotten a hand on his wrist, keeping him firmly in place.

"Sirius. Let. Go,"

"No, no Remus, I won't, not until you tell me what I've done,"

Remus stood silently, calculating look on his face. Sighing he looks down and says.

"The full,"

It was true, the full was in three days, the side effects would start getting to him and affecting his mood. He gently tugged the books out of the sandy blondes hands and carefully set them down.

Standing back up, using all his self control, he pulled him closer, bending down just a tiny bit to get a look at the blondes Amber eyes.

"So I'm more irritable,"

"I'm aware, Moonbeam,"

He looked up and glared half heartedly. Sirius put a small smile on, ignoring the raging butterflies, heightened senses because, oh my god my lips are like fifteen centimetres away, it would be so easy to kiss him, and readying blush, he was about to pull out the charm, going for something way more dangerous.

Vulnerability.

"But you like it, yeah?"

The tiniest bit of hope slipping into his tone, that he was gonna spend the next three nights groaning and feeling pity and self hatred because being vulnerable was being weak, like his father had said. And also because Remus wasn't gay, not even a little bit and he never would be.

Remus looked up at him and said,

"Sure, on one condition,"

Eyes narrowed playfully.

"I get to play with your hair, whenever I want, and you can't do anything about it,"

Eyebrows flew up and a surprised chuckle fell from his lips.

"So I can call you Moonbeam, if I let you play with my hair?"

He nodded shyly.

Normally he wouldn't let anyone touch his hair. He didn't like it and it brought back many memories of his father dragging him up and down the stairs by it, dragging him out of bed, only to- stop, Moony's looking at you! This better be worth it.

"O-okay,"

Remus looked surprised and stared at him for a minute in shock before grinning so widely, all of his teeth could be shown. Sparks erupted in his stomach, disrupting the fluttering butterflies.

Oh yeah, definitely worth it.

Soon Remus was resting against the tree, knees slightly bent up, Sirius laying against them. Remus had his hands tangling in Sirius' hair, gentle tugging and the occasional massage.

Yep, definitely a good idea.

He couldn't help but smile softly, listening to Remus rant over something or rather, not really saying anything but talking about everything.

He felt his hair was pulled back from his face and felt like it was in a pony tail or a bun, like he usually had it.

Hands disappeared and he felt a pout grace his lips.

"Oh calm down, I'm just getting something,"

"It better not be friggin leaves Remus Lupin,"

He said nervously, going to reach for his hair when suddenly his hand was slapped. He turned his head and grinned at his best friend.

"Turn around,"

Sighing he turned around. Hands were back, lightly touching his hair, playing with it.

"Hey Moonbeam?"

There was a distracted humming from behind him.

"What're ya doing?"

"Braiding,"

He felt his eyebrows fly up.

"When'd you learn to braid?"

He asked incredulous, feeling the knot in his stomach grow ever tighter and expanding.

"Sister,"

Sirius hummed in approval. He could feel his eyes closing and let them. His hands felt so nice, tangling and pulling at his hair. And that he wished those lips could be attached to his, tangling those hands in his hair.

Don't think about that, bad Sirius.

"Done,"

Remus said happily from behind him. He turned around and moved out of the way, pressing a careful hand to the newly braided hair do. He felt soft things in his hair that felt suspiciously like daisies.

Remus stretched his long legs out in front of him resting his head against the tree and closing his eyes.

"Well, Moony, are you happy now?"

He opened one eye lazily and smiled softly. Then scrunched his face up in thought.

"Sirius, why don't you like people touching your hair?"

His heart stopped beating for a minute, along with his breathing and he just stared at Remus. He didn't think he could tell him. Not without exploding. Normally Remus doesn't ask questions about stuff he's unsure about. He wanted to tell him, boy did he want to, but he couldn't. He couldn't. He couldn't. He-

"Oh my God, I'm sorry Sirius it doesn't matter. It's okay. Please stop shaking,"

Remus was in front of him, kind of blurry. In a second hands were up, cupping his cheeks, one behind his neck, pulling his head into his shoulder.

Sirius refused to cry on Remus. Because his problems barely sufficed, compared to Remus, who tried to tear himself apart every Full Moon. His problems didn't matter when Remus' were so big and more terrifying then his whole family hating him. He wanted to look strong in front of the boy he had been in love with since the day he met him on the train. He wanted-

Wait.

Did he just say In Love?

No, no he didn't. He didn't love Remus J Lupin. No, it was just a petty crush. Yeah, he'd get over it. There's no way he was in love with the Lanky, Quiet, Book Nerd, Beautiful Boy that he'd become an animagus for and risk his life every Full Moon when he transformed and watch him hurt himself every time, making him feel like he's being stabbed repeatedly because he can't help him.

No.

Don't be daft.

"Sirius, shh, it's alright love. You don't have to tell me,"

And in that moment, Sirius was in love.

In love with Remus' eyes. The honey coloured hazel, tinged brown around the edges. In love with Remus' scars that showed how strong he was, how brave he was. In love with his golden skin and long sandy hair, that always got into his eyes. In love with how he can't dance. In love with how he always helped with pranks. In love with how smart he was.

How he was in love with those big ugly Christmas sweaters that he forces all for of them to wear. In love with how he gets angry when you touch his muggle books, especially the Lord Of The Rings one. In love with his stupid flannelette pyjamas. In love with how Remus would get nightmares, and crawl into his bed.

He was in love with everything Remus was.

And in that moment, Sirius did the greatest, or the quite possibly the stupidest thing he's ever done.

He pulled back from Remus' shoulder. And not even thinking, pressed his own lips against the wolf boys.

He closed his eyes and felt like he was in paradise. Never in a million years did he think he would be sitting on the love of his life, which just so happened to be a BOY, kissing them.

He let his eyes flutter down for just a moment, before realising what he'd done.

After what felt like an eternity, but was probably only a few seconds he opened his eyes.

He was staring right into Remus' eyes, that were blown wide open in shock. Sirius ripped, back, falling on his back as he tried to scamper away.

Remus looked at him with that same expression, of shock and confusion.

"I- umm, shit-fuck, sorry, um,"

And Sirius had never run so fast, all his belongings forgotten, tears streaming down his face, as he ran away from Remus.

Stupid! Look what you've done!

He pushed out of the slight forest that was around the lake, in aware of where he was going. Suddenly he was running across the grass field, shoving unsuspecting peers out of the way as they watched in confusion.

He kept running, not looking back. If someone had've timed him, he would have broken several Olympic world records and have gotten himself into the Guinness Book of World Records.

He was running down the hall, sliding across the slippery stone, bashing into walls, bruises forming all over his arms and hips.

He ran through poor old Saint Nick, feeling a rush of paralysing cold, who just bellowed,

"Watch Where You Are Going Boy!"

But that didn't stop him. Not even the teachers could stop him. Even as he ran straight into Professor Slughorn, nearly knocking him over in his haste did he stop.

He only really stopped when he crashed into James, Lily and Peter.

"My, my Sirius, what are you do- Are those daisies in your hair,"

"Shut up James,"

Sirius choked out. Sirius never called James James. It was always Prongs or Jamie or Tosser. Never James, unless something was wrong.

"Sirius, what's wrong?"

Sirius felt a tear slip down his cheek as he went to roughly brush it off.

"Nothing,"

Then he shoved through them and tried to run off to, Merlin knows where, but James had grabbed his arm before he could move.

"Sirius, what happened,"

Lily said softly. Sirius and Lily had a mutual understanding for each other. Lily was the first one to ask about his feelings towards Remus, to which Sirius just brushed her off. But she knew something was going on with Sirius, just by the way he looked at Remus. It was the way James looked at her.

Sirius softened a bit before responding hiccuping quietly,

"I fucked up,"

Then he took off running up the stair case, not exactly caring where he went, but the further away from Remus the better.

 **Hey guys, who doesn't love a bit of Wolfstar? There will be one, maybe two more chapters, and the. This story will be finished.**

 **Hope you liked it!**


	2. I Would Sing You To Sleep,

**Okay, this might be a self harm/suicide warning. It is a little sad and not extremely graphic, because I wrote it from James' point of view.**

 **Umm, if you are sensitive to this kind of thing, be wary of this next chapter.**

 **I promise it's not as bad as I'm making it sound.**

 **I have a flair for being overly dramatic. Ask any of my friends.**

 **Sirius: Ha, what friends?**

 **Me: Shut Up**

Hours had passed. Sirius hadn't moved from the astronomy tower since that morning. He had no clue what time it was, nor if he had moved from this position since he had gotten here.

The sun was halfway down the sky, the pale blue sky beginning to turn darker and more coloured.

The warmth was beginning to seep out of him and he silently cursed himself for not getting his wand, and maybe his homework.

It's not like he would have been able to focus anyway. The thoughts rampaging around his mind was doing his head in.

The main thoughts being 'You're an idiot,' and 'Now you have no friends you loser,'.

It was true. Remus will tell Prongs and Wormtail and Lily, and they'll resent Sirius. Remus won't talk to him, James wouldn't let him help with pranks, Lily will give him glower from across the Great Hall, and Peter would just avoid him.

He'd already worked out a plan on how to avoid their dorm room. He'd only go there to sleep, and he'd get his clothes and go to the bathroom, so that he would avoid having to go up there to get them.

He would do his homework in the astronomy tower, he'd sneak down to the library, and he would never go to his and Remus' tree.

Ever again.

Sirius decided, no matter how much it killed him, he would quit Quidditch. The only thing that made him feel special.

But he would do it, because James was captain, and he'd probably kick him off the team anyway.

Why did he have to go and kiss Remus? Why couldn't he just bloody control himself? He was such an moron.

A very cold moron.

"I can't find him,"

James said as he bumped into Lily's upset form. He steadied her from falling and had to contain his fangirl side because he was ACTUALLY touching Lily. But that didn't matter right now, because Sirius was AWOL.

"Neither can I,"

"What do you think he meant by 'fucked up'?"

Peter said as he entered the conversation.

"Who knows with Sirius,"

James wondered aloud. Lily shook her head,

"I think it was something with Remus,"

"Why would it be something with Remus,"

Lily raised a perfect red eyebrow and gave him her best 'Why do you think?' look. James just raised his eyebrows and shrugged. Turning to Wormtail who did the exact same thing.

Lily sighed, disgruntled and exhaustion and seemingly shouted,

"Because he's in love with the bastard! And when he fucked up, he ran! We all know Sirius doesn't think!"

And that's when everything clicked with James. How was he that blind? Well, not completely, he always thought Sirius had a soft spot in his heart for Remus.

And suddenly he was angry.

"Where the fuck is Remus,"

Lily's eyes widened and she began shaking her head frantically. She knew what he was up to and didn't want to let James out of her sight.

James knew that Sirius had had a shit life. A family that loathed him because of something he couldn't change. He had been tortured mercilessly, although James knew not of the details, knew it put a toll on Sirius.

Every year, Sirius had come back, skinny, cheeks hollowed out, eyes sunken with fear and sadness. He had bags under his eyes, that had their own bags. His hair would be greasy, some tufts would be missing. He would be jittery, watching behind his back, hand gripping his wand when he heard loud noises.

In about their third year of Hogwarts, he never let anyone see him without a shirt on. In fact, James hadn't seen Sirius without a shirt since the beginning of year three.

The next year, he wouldn't wear anything but his long dress pants, or jeans, even in Summer.

The next year it was long sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

His family hated him.

He had trust issues.

He doesn't like people touching him. He flinched whenever someone would go to touch his hair, or any part of him really.

Slytherin house had something against him, so he had to constantly watch his back.

He'd come to James' house in the Summer, and he'd always watch behind him. His parents never let him come, he would always sneak out.

It was like he was always expecting his parents to appear and rip him away from his friends.

Sirius had always been sceptical whenever James would call him his friend. He would always ask if he was sure, and why would he want to be his friend.

James would always give him a reason and Sirius would tell him it was a shit reason. When they tried out for the Quidditch team, Sirius tried to tell them that he really sucked.

In their fourth year, James had found Sirius curled up and drowsy, in the bathroom. He didn't register it until his heart began slowing down and he would stop responding. When his eyes would flutter close. And he'd try to stand up, only falling backwards like he was drunk. When he threw up all over himself, nothing but stomach acids. He didn't know until he saw the empty little yellow pill bottle that had rolled, near the sinks.

He was only fourteen.

Sirius had tried to kill himself.

The muggle way too.

He was always doubting himself, always filled with so much self loath. Because of the way he had been brought up.

Sirius didn't need Remus to be a prick to him too.

James was fuming as he started toward the common room, Peter following behind, Lily trying to get James to stop.

"Lily, you don't know Sirius like I do. There are somethings that need to be done when it domes to Sirius,"

Then he gently pushed her to the side as he began the ascent to the Gryfindor Common Room.

James angrily said the password and the Fat Lady swung open worriedly.

Remus was just getting toward the staircase when James slammed into him, pushing him roughly against the wall,

"What the-"

"You don't get to talk,"

"James, what are you doing?"

"This doesn't concern you, Longbottom,"

Remus tried to move off the wall but suddenly James wand was pointed at him, directly at his throat.

Remus' eyes widened.

"Where's Sirius?"

James demanded. Remus shrugged.

"I haven't seen him all day,"

"That's a fucking lie and you know it you piece of-"

"James! Anyway, Remus, we all know Sirius did something and clearly you weren't extremely pleasant about it. So, if you'd care to tell us what-"

"You saw Sirius?"

Remus whispered hesitantly.

"Yes, Remus, but that is beside the-"

"Where?"

Remus had suddenly become very compunctious since James had began talking.

"That's why we're here, Remus,"

"I-I don't know where he is, he-he ran off,"

"Why!? Why did he run off!?"

Remus mumbled something, wringing his hands together.

"What. Did. You. Say,"

He looked up, eyes confused,

"He kissed me,"

James' heart stopped. Sirius had finally worked up the courage to do something about his feelings and Remus had rejected him.

Sirius would be heartbroken.

James wanted to throw Remus across the room because, honestly, Remus may be the smartest kid ever, but he was definitely the dumbest when it came to a social life.

So calming himself down he said,

"And what did you do?"

"Nothing!"

James lowered his wand arm and said sadly,

"Sirius is gonna hate me, but it's time you all should know,"

Everyone looked at him worriedly.

"You might want to. . ."

He trailed off, gesturing to the couches. They sat down and glanced at each other. At one point Peter had scampered off, because he didn't like when his friends fought.

"Okay, it was fourth year."

They nodded.

James was walking up the stairs to the dorm room. Everything was quiet, which was unusual, because normally Sirius was back and breaking something by now. He walked in, and found Sirius' clothes everywhere, as per usual.

But something wasn't right.

He moved closer to the trunk, that was turned on its side, all clothes, books, everything tipped out, as though in a frantic search for something.

This is where James got confused, he started looking through the items, wand thrown carelessly next to a pair of random socks, a pair of jeans hanging from the window.

James was confused.

Sirius shouldn't have been this frantic.

"Sirius?"

He called out. No answer. He was beginning to get worried, was he playing a joke? Or was he actually missing?

"Sirius!?"

Nothing. Just then he heard a stumble coming from the bathroom.

He pushed the door open slightly, sighing with relief when he saw Sirius sitting on the edge of the bath tub.

"Didn't ya hear me?"

Sirius' eyes went wide and pulled into a sleepy smile. He sat down next to him, watching as Sirius swayed gently next to him.

"Are you drunk?"

Sirius didn't respond, but the smile was gone now. He touched his shoulder, Sirius didn't shrug him off like he normally would, or puff insults at him in a joking tone. James was beginning to worry.

"Sirius? I'm gonna go get us some chocolate frogs, and when I get back, you better stop this shit,"

Sirius didn't respond, so James sighed angrily and walked out of the bathroom, moving to his trunk.

He began shifting his clothes around searching for the frogs for a few good minutes before he heard a crash from inside the bathroom.

He ran in to see Sirius lying sideways in the bath tub, blinking in barely there confusion.

"Sirius? What is wrong with you mate?"

His eyes floated away from James as his hand twitched slightly.

"Come on, this is ridiculous,"

He reached down and attempted to pull him up but Sirius was dead weight, didn't move to help, muscles loose.

"Are you serious right now?"

No joke about him actually being Sirius right now. His breathing was getting more relaxed as his eyes blinked closed slowly.

James felt a rising panic settle in his chest as he carefully reached out and pressed two shaky fingers against his throat.

A slow, dull thud. Slowing down.

"What the fuck did you do Black?"

He started looking around for anything that would indicate why Sirius' heart was slowing down and he knew he was running out of time.

"Sirius? I need you to stay with me for a moment please,"

His voice broke on 'please' as he started to pull the young boney boy from the bath tub. After struggling from the dip, he managed to get Sirius on the edge of the tub. He placed on hand on his chest, unsure of what to do.

"You feel this, you feel my chest going up and down?"

Sirius didn't respond.

"I need you to do this for me,"

He choked out a sob. Sirius didn't move. Placing a hand on Sirius' chest, he noticed at was barely moving up and down.

"Don't play games with me,"

Sirius' eyes blinked open, for only a second or two, then closed.

Tears were streaming down his face as he put an arm around his back, and an arm under his knees.

"Come on ya wanker, don't you dare leave me like this,"

He began running down the stairs, Sirius' head lolling gently and bouncing with each step.

"James? What prank are you up to now?"

Some ignorant third year asked. James shot him a look and simply said,

"Open the fucking door,"

The third year ran as fast as he could, watching Sirius who was getting paler from lack of oxygen.

"Come one Sirius,"

James could barely see, tears pouring down his face. The stairs seemed to know what he wanted, not changing unexpectedly on him, allowing him to get down various flights of stairs.

He looked down, stopping his quiet mumbling as he watched Sirius' lips turn blue, verging on purple.

James' arms were beginning to ache, he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to carry Sirius for much longer.

His legs were tired, his chest ached from the running and the lack of air from crying, he felt a headache coming on from all the crying and his arms were starting to let Sirius slip.

Not many people were around, seeing as it was three days early, and lots of people were still with their families.

Sirius generally planned on getting out of his house as soon as possible.

And because of the lack of people, nobody could help him carry Sirius across the entire school to the hospital wing.

There weren't any teachers around.

No students.

And the ghosts weren't much help, floating around talking to each other.

The paintings were useless too. He was on the last step when he misplaced his foot, and which sent him spiralling to the ground, somehow throwing himself under Sirius to break his fall.

The tears began to fall harder as he cradled Sirius' head in his lap as he tried to pick him up again.

"Come on. God-Fuck! Bullshit, motherfucker. Dumb fuck. Stupid. Bitch. Ugh-"

Tears began to flow more fiercely down his face.

"Language Mr Potter!"

James' head whipped up to see none other than Professor McGonagall strolling past him.

He must have looked crazy, he thought.

His hair messier than usual, because of him running. His face must have been shiny with tears, and red with running. His clothes disheveled and sweaty. His eyes holding fear, desperation and hope.

"Professor, I-Sirius, I don't,"

He sobbed in the middle of his sentence, breaking off whatever he was saying. The Professor ran over sitting next to the boy, seemingly only noticing Sirius' limp form.

"I don't know, I don't, something happened, I don't know what, but-"

A fresh batch of tears began.

Professor McGonagall pressed two fingers gently against Sirius' throat slowly and carefully.

She retracted her hand as though she had been burned, tears forming in her eyes.

"No,"

"Professor, what-"

"Do you think you can carry him any more?"

James nodded weakly. The Professor nodded determinedly.

"Come Mr Potter, Mr Black doesn't look to well,"

Then she stood up, watching as James pulled Sirius into his tired arms and stood up on shaky knees.

After a brisk walk to the Hospital Wing, James quickly placed Sirius on the bed as the Professor ran to get the nurse.

The two women came bolting in, Professor McGonagall in tears, but looking determined.

"Mr Potter, if you would wait outside,"

He nodded tiredly and sadly.

"Please,"

He said, she looked up from her medicines.

"Please don't let my best friend die,"

He choked out.

Later that day, well into the night, James slipped in and was surprised to see Professor McGonagall sitting next to Sirius, who was laying extremely still.

"Come on boy, please stay,"

James felt his heart sink. The Professor burst into tears.

"My boy, my beautiful boy,"

James walked over to the tiny woman, laying a careful hand on her back. She lifted her head from her hands and stared up at James, who was now crying too.

In one quick movement they both sat together and comforted each other, The old kind Professor crying and muttering about her beautiful boy and James praying to a God he didn't care about, that his best mate would be okay.

When they had determined that Sirius was going to be fine, after many 'are you positives?', James walked back tiredly to the Gryfindor common room, a new understanding between the Professors and Sirius strange relationship.

Sirius was like a son to the Professor. And Sirius regarded her much how he would a mother.

And it was heartbreaking to see McGonagall clinging to the pale, blue lipped boy with such heartbreak and sorrow.

When he entered the common room, he trudged up the stairs, not going to bed, but crawling into the bath tub.

He looked down and noticed something he hadn't in the panic and the rush of the situation.

A little yellow bottle, prescripted to Black, Sirius.

A bottle of anti-depressants.

James was crying. Lily was balling into his shoulder, whispering 'Why Sirius?', over and over again.

And Remus.

He looked like someone who had just been told that they had been diagnosed with cancer, their mother had passed away, their brother was addicted to drugs and their lover had left them because of the cancer.

Brushing a tear away, he stood up.

"Where are you going Remus?"

"To find Sirius,"

And with that, he sprinted out the door.

 **:**

 **So stick around if you want to see how it all ends!**

 **Sorry that this was so depressing.**

 **I went and made myself cry.**


	3. Never Let Them Take

**Not as depressing, more cute, but I am an angsty piece of shit.**

 **So enjoy.**

 **Sorry it took so long to write. Writers Block Has Been Kicking My Ass. But you suckers get another chapter because this one is short and I am an asshole who can never keep their word.**

 **:)**

 **:**

Remus' feet slapped the ground.

Four hours.

Sirius had been missing for four, fucking hours.

Who knows what he could have done in those four hours.

He couldn't believe it.

Sirius had tried to keep that a secret.

He had tried to die.

And Remus would never have gotten to say goodbye.

All these thoughts were rushing around his head, intangible and indistinguishable thoughts.

But they all kept coming back to one thing.

 _Sirius Fucking Black Kissed Me._

Remus licked his lips, he doesn't know why. But even just the thought of _Sirius kissing him_ and his mortified face being the last thing he ever gets to remember of Sirius. It might just kill him.

He has to find Sirius.

So he runs.

He can still feel his lips tingle, even after four hours, just at the thought of kissing Sirius. He can still feel the softness of them against his, gently moving. He can still taste Sirius' lips, the taste of Butterbeer and the distant taste of cigarettes, the ones that Remus confiscates every so often, trying to get him to quit.

But Sirius looks _so good_ , with a death stick hanging from his lips and his hair slicked back in his muggle leather jacket. It was so hard to take away the thing that increased his beauty by 10 000%. If that was even possible. The way his fingers twirl it around, tapping the ashes off the tip. The way he puts it to his lips and inhales the dreaded smoke. And the way he blows it back out, sometimes blowing it out in a rush, sometimes letting it fall out of his mouth. Sometimes through his nose. He even managed to learn how to make the smoke rings.

Remus can see why all the girls want him.

 _But why would Sirius kiss him? Why would he want Remus like that?_

Remus is nothing special.

Especially compared to Sirius and his soft long hair and pretty grey eyes. The prominent cheekbones and razor sharp jawline, so sharp it could kill someone. Not to mention his long lashes, that fluttered when he asked for something he wants. Or the way he sticks his tongue out when he writes. Or the smirk he has watching others attempt spells he's mastered. Or the smirk he does when he knows he's winning. _Or just his smirk in general._ Not to mention his strong eyebrows and feminine features.

Sirius was prettier than most girls at Hogwarts.

He runs into every classroom, putting all the teachers in a fluster. He even runs down to the Slytherin Common Room, to see if he had gone down to Regulus.

He knocked viciously until someone answered.

"Lupin?"

"Snape, I know-"

But Severus was already closing the door, with a roll of his eyes and a brush of his hand through his greasy hair.

"Please! Please, Snape-"

He pushed against the door, swinging it open, Severus' slick brow rising up his forehead.

"Please, is. Is Regulus here?"

"And why would I bother telling you, Wolf Boy?"

"Sirius, he, he's-"

A loud sigh came from Severus, a bored look filling his features.

"Honestly, I don't care. So if you'd be on your way. . ."

He said once again closing the door. Remus watched it close and tried one more time, banging his fists.

"Please, please, I know you don't care, just please. He might not be here anymore. He might-"

Remus was whispering now, sliding down the wall in despair. Water pooled in his eyes as he felt something wet adorn his cheeks.

He couldn't just give up.

He had to at least find him.

"Please, Severus. I-I don't, I can't-please,"

He knocked lamely on the darkly decorated door.

"Please. Please,"

Little did he know, Severus was on the other side of the door, listening as his bully's friend cried.

Remus wasn't the worst person on earth. He tried to stop James more often then not and even though Sirius used to help James' taunts, he no longer did. James seemed to just have a personal Vendetta against him, rather then the other Maurders, who usually just threw a half hearted insult at him.

Almost like an inside joke.

He cracked open the Common Room door, looking down on the hazel haired, lanky boy, covered in countless scars and listened to him a little while longer.

"Please,"

Never had he heard Remus say please this many times. _Especially toward him_.

"Please, he might,"

Severus leaned against the door, opening it a fraction wider, listening harder, for Remus' voice had gone quieter,

"He might be dying. He-he might be-he might be dead already,"

Severus felt his eyes go wide, guilt and slight fear pumping through his veins. He may dislike Sirius, but Sirius hasn't done anything to him in years, even stopped James on occasion. He may dislike Sirius, and Sirius him, but he would _never_ wish death on him.

And Remus sounded scared.

His voice filled with concern and terror and love.

Yes, yes. Even _Severus_ could see how _gay_ they were for each other. Everyone in the school knew.

And he was pretty sure that there was even a _bet_ going on in the school about when they would get together.

he had heard that even Dumbledore had placed a bet.

He snapped out of his thoughts, running down the short and narrow corridor into the grand room with dark stone bricks and light marble stair case. He ran down them, past the big fire place, a fire roaring in its space, with its collection of green and black couches surrounding it. He wove in and around them, past the window that showed the creatures of the Black Lake.

He quickly knocked on the window as he passed, catching the attention of several students and some of the creatures, including several merpersons, who snarled angrily, but continued to watch predatorily.

"Regulus?!"

More people turned to look at him.

"Has anyone here seen Regulus Black?!"

"Severus,"

Regulus replied coolly from the darkest corner of the Room.

Severus swept the room in several quick and graceful steps, grabbing the fourth year by his lapels and dragging the confused and slightly angry boy to the exit of the Common Room.

"Merlin Sev, lay off. Good-"

Severus opened the door, watching as the boy on the floors head whipped up, before scrambling to stand up.

"-ness, uh Remus?"

"Has Sirius come through here? Has, has he,"

"No, he hasn't why?"

Remus turned and punched the brick angrily.

"Do you-do you know, anywhere, anywhere he could be? Please, I,"

Regulus' eyes went wide and scared.

"Again?"

Remus looked up, eyes almost unbelieving.

" _Again?_ "

He asked. His voice breaking as a sob wracked his body. Regulus nodded.

"The Astronomy Tower,"

"What?"

"The Astronomy Tower. That's where he goes when he feels like the world is against him. It's the highest place that there is at Hogwarts. He likes the high places. It clears his head,"

But Remus was already gone.

Thundering up the stairs.

The stairs were useless. They kept changing, almost like they were trying to prevent Remus from seeing Sirius.

Remus used his long legs, skipping three four steps at a time. He pushed all of the people that was in his way, running past several teachers.

Many people tried to stop him, ask him if he was okay.

But he simply pushed them aside, never slowing down. Not even when his stupid asthma started playing up.

He ran, what must have been dozens of staircases, several corridors, through various classrooms (all of which contained students and very displeased teachers) before finally getting to the Astronomy Tower.

He opened the door carefully, as if not to scare Sirius, if he was even there.

The dust stirred in the room and Remus poked his head in.

Nothing seemed to be wrong at first glance, so he wandered in, closing it gently. He then started to notice how the tables were slightly out of shape in a trail toward the telescopes toward the open window.

That's where he found Sirius.

Beautiful Sirius with his long shaggy hair, messier than usual. His back was turned to Remus, staring down at the ground below him.

Sirius took a deep breath and just as Remus was about to speak.

 _Sirius fell forward._


End file.
